But will it make me happy?

At times I think my life really sucks.  I haven’t felt well in so long, I can’t even remember; at times I hate my job so much I want to just say fuck it all and run away to join the circus; the family drama just won’t go away…

So when I don’t want deal with it, I shop.  And I regret.  I’m caught on the “work-spend treadmill,” according to this article in the New York Times.  It was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me, because that’s how I feel sometimes.  I have so much, but I’m not happy with what I have, I always feel like I need more to be truly happy.  I’m very much a product of the consumer culture.

But it’s not likely that I’m going to give everything away and whittle down my personal belongings to 100 items.  Let’s be realistic here. 

I have to remember to focus on the positive and just be happy.  So I don’t feel well, but I can still go about my daily life, and I’ll probably feel better once summer is over and the heat and humidity go away.  Yeah, the job is not stimulating, but it’s a job, it pays the bills.  My family is in good health, and I live with someone who loves me and takes care of me. 

This is what really matters:

My two-year-old nephew Milo.  His smile makes everything okay.

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