Day 3 and already almost a relapse.

It’s Day 4 if I’m counting January 31, when I didn’t buy anything. But really, who’s counting? (Oh dear God, when will this month be over?)

For Flora skirt by Burlapp, at Anthropologie

I was bored/frustrated at work this morning so I was shopping online at anthropologie.com. This skirt nearly broke my resolve. I’ve had my eye on it for a while, and now it’s on sale for $79, down from $178. So in my twisted mind, I think, ooh, I’ll order it online when February is over! So I have to go over to Anthropologie on my lunch break to try it on in person! Just so I know what size to buy! (What am I, a complete and utter moron? The answer is, of course, yes.)

The skirt was also on sale in store (cheaper than online with the exchange rate and shipping costs), in my size, and I was this close to walking out of the dressing room with it. But in the end, I put it down, put my own skirt back on, and hightailed it out of the store.

I didn’t cheat because I told myself I don’t need the skirt. I don’t. I don’t need any new clothes. I want that skirt because it’s so cute on the model and because it’s different from anything else I usually wear. But I would probably wear it once and then it would sit in my closet, waiting for another party where it would be appropriate, when something else would have already come along to replace it. If I had bought that skirt, I would have been buying “the fantasy of momentary reinvention". I want (or I think I want, I’m not entirely sure yet) to be that girl who has a ton of parties to go to, or who is just so stylish and works in such a creative environment that she could wear a “fancy” skirt like that to work. But I’m not.

I might buy the skirt when my self-imposed month-long rehab is over. I just want to know that I can exercise some willpower and delay gratification. Or maybe I won’t buy it. Maybe I’ll have learned to shop for the life I actually live. Maybe I won’t want to shop at all? We’ll see.

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